Why Emotional Intelligence Matters More Than IQ (And Why I'm Still Learning It)

The Journey Begins with Emotion, Not Logic

There's one subject that has followed me throughout my life – sometimes silently, sometimes loudly – and that's emotions. Not emotions as a theoretical concept, but the real, raw experiences: fear that freezes, anger that bursts out unexpectedly, guilt that lingers long after the moment has passed.

That's why I want to write about emotional intelligence. Not from an expert's lens, but from my own. Because I've lived what it means to not be emotionally intelligent. And I'm still learning how to be.

We often talk about IQ as the ultimate measure of success. But I've come to believe that EQ – our ability to understand, manage, and navigate emotions – is the real game changer. Not just in our careers, but in our relationships, our growth, and our inner peace.

I Was Raised to Be Quiet, Not Emotionally Aware

Like many, I grew up in a time when emotions were not exactly welcome. You were praised for being "well-behaved," not for expressing what you felt. Anger? Not allowed. Fear? Seen as weakness. Sadness? Kept quiet.

I learned early that being silent meant being accepted. That showing emotions – especially the messy ones – could get you in trouble. I became the quiet, shy kid. The introvert. The one who never raised his hand in class, too afraid of being judged.

No one taught me how to process these feelings. I didn't know how to understand what I was going through, let alone talk about it. I was labelled "shy" and left to deal with it on my own. Looking back, I wasn't lacking courage – I was lacking emotional tools.

Carrying Fear and Guilt Into Adulthood

These emotional patterns didn't disappear when I became an adult. I carried them with me. I still do.

• I'm afraid to speak up in public.
• I hesitate to express how I feel.
• I feel ashamed when I get angry.

I've often tried to suppress emotions like anger or anxiety, hoping they'll go away if I just stay quiet. But they don't. They linger. They show up in other ways – stress, avoidance, overthinking.

This is where emotional intelligence becomes so important. It's not about "controlling" emotions by shutting them down. It's about recognising them, allowing them, and then responding in a way that's healthy and aligned with who you want to be.

Learning to Ride My Emotions

I once came across a metaphor that stuck with me: Be the rider of your emotions, not the horse being dragged by them.

Over the past couple of years, I've started learning what that really means. Some books gave me valuable insights – not just theory, but tools and reflections that helped me better understand what I was feeling and why.

I began noticing when fear was holding me back. I started observing how I reacted when I was upset. I began seeing how often I judged myself for emotions that were completely human – anger, anxiety, even sadness.

These weren't just books. They were mirrors.

But here's the truth: it's still hard. Some days I do well. Some days I fail. And that's okay. Because emotional intelligence isn't a destination – it's a practice.

What I've Learned (So Far) About Emotions

Here are a few lessons that have helped me shift from being overwhelmed by emotions to trying to work with them:

• You don't need to act on every emotion. But you do need to acknowledge them.
• Anger isn't bad. It's a signal. When understood, it can lead to boundaries, assertiveness, or healing.
• Fear can lie. It tells you you'll be judged, when in reality, you might be deeply respected.
• You don't have to be perfect to be emotionally intelligent. You just have to be honest.

And most importantly:

You can't control someone else's emotions – but you can choose how you respond to them.

Why It Matters to Start Early

One of the reasons I'm writing this is because I wish I had learned these things earlier. I believe we need to start teaching emotional intelligence to children, just like we teach them math or reading.

Imagine what it would mean for a child to grow up knowing it's okay to feel. That fear doesn't make them weak. That anger doesn't make them bad. That they have the tools to name their emotions, talk about them, and choose how to respond.

If we raise emotionally intelligent kids, we raise balanced, empathetic, grounded adults. Adults who won't need to unlearn emotional repression the way I did.

A Work in Progress

Even now, I have moments when fear stops me from speaking. Or when guilt washes over me after an angry reaction. I still fall into old patterns. But I'm learning to pause. To take a breath. To say, "Okay, this is what I'm feeling – what do I want to do with it?"

It's not about perfection. It's about practice. And maybe the most emotionally intelligent thing we can do is to forgive ourselves in the process.

I don't have it all figured out. But I've come a long way from the boy who thought being quiet meant being safe. Now, I know that true strength is being emotionally aware, open, and kind – to myself and others.

Final Thought

If there's one thing I'd like you to take from this, it's this:

Don't ignore your emotions. Learn them. Ride them.

And if you have children – or will someday – start early. Help them name their emotions. Sit with them when they're upset. Teach them that their feelings are valid, and that they can choose how to respond.

Because emotional intelligence is not just a skill – it's a foundation for life. And it's never too late to start building it.